Tuesday, November 18, 2014

Two questions

Last time I saw the doc, he asked me a question (no, not that one, a new one), and of course I answered yes, but I am not sure that my affirmative response was completely based on empirical knowledge of the validity of the affirmation being made. That’s one question. The other question is one I have been asking myself a little lately, it is connected and again, I have no real idea what the answer is, but at the same time no real wish to find out.

Which is odd. Because you would expect people to want to know, if there were a real need, for example, whether they are capable of running or not. That was question one. The doc asked me, “Can you run?”, presumably as a test of how things are with balance and coordination. I said yes without thinking. And then when I did think, I thought, well, can I? Can I, really? And the answer is, “I don’t actually know”. I haven’t tried, really tried, for a while and I think this is because although I have had reason to do so, I have not wanted to find out what the real answer is.

Perhaps I should try. Just to clear things up.

But then, what if, in trying I realise I cannot? What does that mean for the future?

So that’s question one. Question two is a very similar question and one which I have been asking myself before the doc asked me his own question. I am pretty sure that the answer to this second question would be “no”, but for the same reasons as given above I have not really tried (and the opportunity has not really presented itself). Question two is, do I reckon that I could ride a bike today? Just the idea makes me a little cautious. I’d love to try, but somewhere safe and soft. Because I am really not sure I’ll be able to stay on.

It’s not going to be something I will miss, if I cannot, although it would have been nice to go out cycling all together, with the girls (if we could afford bikes). I think I have moved on from the bunnyhops and no hands cycling in the early nineties, but I know I have at some point been a mean cyclist. So checkbox checked.

Anyway – there’s my two questions which have been in my mind since June or earlier. And while I know that coming down is much harder, I know that in August, I could still climb up to LO1 (600m altitude difference in 3km horizontal, albeit with a ‘light’ pack) without too much trouble, these two questions are there in my mind, every time I trip over my feet or lose my balance momentarily on flat ground. I ask myself. And life goes on.

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